Essay I wrote for Jim Collins Foundation

            Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) is the last step remaining in my transition. I feel as if not having GCS is hindering me from pursuing my other goals and dreams. I cannot allow myself to jeopardize or delay having my surgery by returning to school or taking a career risk, hence until I have had my surgery I have limited options when it comes to improving my situation.

            My situation has already improved dramatically since I began transitioning. “Passing” as a man took a great deal of energy on my part. Prior to transitioning I didn’t have energy to work on projects that are important to me. Now I write op/eds about transgender topics for GayRVA.com, I publish a zine, blog, post youtube videos, and I am working on a novel with a transgender narrator.  I am much more comfortable with myself now that my gender presentation matches my internal sense of gender identity. I make more sense to myself and to other people. I don’t experience social anxiety like I used to. Since transitioning it has become easier for me to meet people and make friends. Most of all I feel that transitioning has allowed me to mature sexually and emotionally. I experience myself more fully as a person than I was able to before transitioning. I feel that GCS is the only thing standing between me and my ability to experience myself completely as a sexual being and form intimate relationships.

            Transition was an absolute necessity for my mental, physical, and financial health. Like many other transsexual people, I lived my life trying to find ways to ignore my gender dysphoria prior to transitioning. This caused me to live recklessly and irresponsibly. The biggest regret I have about my transition is that I waited until I couldn’t keep up with my finances, live healthily, or maintain close relationships before I transitioned. Had I transitioned in college, like I originally planned as a teenager, I believe I would have avoided most of the major stresses of my transition. I wouldn’t have had to overcome financial stresses caused by years of avoiding my gender issues. Transitioning has allowed me to begin building the career I deserve, taking steps towards financial security, and developing relationships that need to live a healthy life. The cost of saving for GCS hinders my ability to pay down student loans, attend graduate school, and save for retirement.

            I now live my life to educate others about transgender people and topics through my writing. Most of the transgender theories I have encountered have been written from a cisgender perspective. I think I would have gained self acceptance and understanding of myself as a person more quickly had academic writings from the transgender perspective made a larger portion of transgender theory. One life goal of mine is to obtain a PhD. in Gender Studies so that I can offer a transgender perspective in transgender theory. I think it is important that I offer my knowledge and experience to people. I think it is important that people are made aware of transgender opinions and experiences. Currently I am the only transgender voice on GayRVA.com. I have a transsexual woman’s perspective and can’t speak for all transgender people, but I think it is important for my voice to be heard. I believe my purpose in life is to help transgender people gain more mainstream acceptance through research and education. Much of my energy now is devoted to obtaining GCS. My need for GCS hinders me from devoting all the energy I could towards research and writing about transgender topics.

            I believe that GCS is a necessary step to take to allow me to fully be the person I am meant to be. Transitioning this far has been a huge improvement to my satisfaction with the life I am living and has increased my ability to form close meaningful relationships. I feel I need GCS to experience myself intimately in a relationship. Transitioning has allowed me to begin building a financially secure and healthy life but the expense of saving for GCS is hindering me from saving towards other financial goals. I have an important perspective to offer the world and am an important voice in Richmond’s LGBT community, but I currently am unable to devote myself as fully towards expressing my opinions and sharing my knowledge as I will be able to after obtaining GCS. Gender Confirmation Surgery is for me a need that takes precedence over other needs and desires of mine. I am much more capable and functional now that I have transitioned as far as I have but I won’t be able to live up to my potential until I have met my need for GCS.