Well that guy I wrote about last time...I had to text him that I didn't think I was interested.
On Tuesday last week when we met I was going to give him a chance with a date. He actually seemed to be interested in me as a person not just a "chick with a dick." I mean, so many people, cis-gendered guys in particular don't really see me as a real person just an exotic sex object. having someone attracted to me as a woman and not as a trans-woman is really attractive.
On the other hand...
Don't leave out apostrophes it really is not attractive, nor is spelling "you're" as "your," and "when" as "ween." Also drop the "e" before adding "ing." Reading shit like "I like it ween we talked. I hop your haveing a good day" is really, really, really unattractive.
Also if we only met one time and had a rather awkward conversation and I decide to give you a chance. It doesn't mean that I want to go out the very next day, or that I want to have long conversations with you via badly spelled/punctuated/grammatically incorrect texts.
And if we'd been dating for a while asking me how my day is going would be sweet, if we've just met it's just a little too much.
Finally, although I am making an effort not to hold someone's sex against them as a criteria for dating them, if you are male you really need to proceed slowly. Although I don't like/believe in sexual categories, and you could call me "bisexual," I am now and always have been slightly more attracted to female bodied people than I am to male bodied people. Keep that in mind and don't try to move things too quickly.
I wanted to write an update to my last entry. I don't know why I care that people know who and what type of people I am attracted to sexually. It doesn't really matter.
Then again, if I try to rationalize why I need people to see me as female, there isn't really a rational reason for it.
Gender identity and sexuality has to be biological just for that reason.
In other news I contacted a professor in VCU counseling psychology. I'm looking into being a therapist/researcher for trans people. I briefly outline some of my viewpoints on the whole gender spectrum thing and asked for advice as to what I should do to get into the program.
She hasn't responded back. Perhaps I shouldn't have written so much about what I think. I'm not sure. It wasn't a long email but perhaps I should have just been more to the point and just asked what I wanted to know, not explain where I'm coming from.
Also, I have written 142 pages of my rough draft for my first novel which is basically a memoir. Writing a book is a lot harder and more time consuming than I thought.
When I was in college I took a class in stone carving. The first day we chipped away at our granite rocks with chisels the way that Michelangelo would have. The second day we were able to use the modern pneumatic chisels. I decided that were I to carve David it wouldn't be worth chipping away at stone by hand for as long as it would take.
Writing this book is kind of reminding me of that.
142 pages in I'm really beginning to see the finished book, but it is a long way away, and I'm going to have to reorganize and rewrite so much of what I've written.
Of course, I'm at the point where I have to finish this book, and I have to get it published, and it has to be fucking phenomenal because I've put to much work into it already not to finish it.
And I really hope it makes money.
Also, I am going to figure out a way to go back to school.
I am so burnt out on cooking as a profession that I just want to escape.
Give me an office and decent income. I'm so sick of being broke.
And I haven't heard back from the Jim Collins Foundation yet. In all seriousness I don't know how much longer I can go without my operation. I'm actually really starting to get depressed about it.
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