I just wanted to write this blog to talk about how happy I am for him. Talking to him this morning, he has reached that point you need to reach before you can do anything about gender dysphoria. You have to be willing to accept yourself for whoever you are. Maybe you won't be an ultra femme trans woman who passes as cis. Maybe you don't even really need hormones. Maybe you simply need to cross dress and present as your target sex every once in a while. And whatever, it's all good. I strongly suspected that I needed to completely transition when I first started but I wasn't absolutely sure about it until I got there. Transition involves a while between genders, and you need to be willing to accept that maybe that is where you feel most comfortable with yourself, or maybe that's how others will view you. Maybe you'll be a really gay acting cross-dressing man, maybe you won't but whatever that's good. And you'll be yourself the way you were intended to be, and you'll be so much happier than you imagined possible.
I truly thank God constantly for my feminine body, my breasts, my slender arms, and have for every little change since I started transition. I am so incredibly happy and feel so good about myself. I have been crushing on this t-guy quite a bit since he told me. I suspected that he was trans before, but when he told me I caught a glimpse of the man he will become/is and he is really incredible. This morning he told me that he didn't think he should start any relationships right now. I never asked. It wasn't necessarily directed at me, though to be honest I had been thinking about it. I also had been thinking that maybe he isn't ready for that and maybe I'm better for him as a friend and someone who has been through transition than in a relationship. I certainly wasn't ready for a relationship when I started transitioning and I wasn't ready for over a year. I'm glad I knew that, and I'm glad he knows it.
There are no rules for transition, and what is true one moment may not be true the next. A lot of things change and a lot of things don't. There are no set finished lines, it isn't all preparation for the surgery, or for the "real life test," or for hormones. It's simply taking baby steps until you don't feel gender dysphoric anymore.
I am so happy that I can be friends with this person, and so happy that I can help him and be supportive to him and that I can introduce him to others who can be the same. I am so grateful for my friends who did that for me and were there to answer my questions without judgement. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for them and if I can do the same for someone else that makes me very happy.
That's why I'm not upset that he isn't ready for a relationship even though I was thinking about it. Transition was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It was spiritual, even. I would never want to, even innocently, hinder or slow anyone's transition. And I think that when it comes to transition we all have a sense of what we need to do or not do, to get to where we're going, even if it is only a vague sense.
So basically if you are considering transition or just starting transition I haven't given you any set advice in this blog entry. I can't tell you to do this or don't do that, and you don't have to even know how far you're going to transition or who you are going to be. You just need to be sure about the next step. Maybe that is talking to people about it, or putting yourself in stable situation to transition, or dressing more androgynously, or hormones, or top surgery, or bottom surgery.
So I'm actually really proud of this guy. Beginning transition isn't easy. He's doing an awesome job of it, and if he reads this entry I'm really here for him and his needs.
My transition is more important to me than anything. And his transition is much much more important to me than any sort of attraction I have for him. There are plenty of other people for me but he only has one transition.
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