So last night I peed standing up. I was on the way home. We stopped so the one guy riding with us could go pee, and I guess I got a little nostalgic, so I went to.
So anyway I'm really embarrassed about it now. I shouldn't be; I know. But I guess it's about what it says about my gender; what I don't want to say about my gender. The thing about it is, my entire life before I transitioned I always had to remind myself that "boys pee standing up" every time I went to the bathroom. It isn't really something that came as instinct for me. Peeing standing up was one thing I did to say to the world and say to myself "I'm a boy." It's really hard to describe most of the time it was humbling for me; as in, "I don't have the body I should have, I'm not the way I should be."
It is an ability that I did appreciate at times; road trips when I really had to go, walking home drunk at 3 in the morning etc. But I think the only time I really really liked it was back in college when my buddies and I all decided to pee off the pedestrian bridge to Belle Isle at 4 in the morning. Something about watching urine fall one hundred feet into rapids was really cool. I guess that's what I was nostalgic about. It was probably my last time. So at least it is memorable for me. Anyway I wish I hadn't.
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