Saving for SRS, going to try to update this blog more often

     I don't update this blog as much as I should. I'm going to try to improve on that.
     More and more I'm thinking that I would like writing to be my career. I particularly want to write about gender and queer subjects. I have been writing a lot recently. I publish articles on a website called hubpages. so far I've written mostly recipes and a few articles on art. Unfortunately I don't get paid for articles about gender, gender identity and sexuality which is really what I'm most interested in. I wrote an awesome essay describing how I understand gender and gender identity. I published that as a blog. I'd kind of like to publish it elsewhere. I am now going to be writing a column for gayrva.com. I'm not particularly making any money yet, but I am building a professional portfolio and resume and that is what is really important anyway.
    When I started this blog I wanted it to cover my transition. My youtube page ended up doing that. Transition happens kind of slowly. I lost interest after my first few blogs because once I decided I needed to transition it took me another six months to actually take steps towards transition, and a year before I started hormones. I had expected to be able to blog about learning to be a woman and all that stuff but honestly all that stuff came really naturally for me. If you're reading this and you are like I was that should be encouraging. Male adolescence for me was hellish. Nothing came naturally for me. All my instincts were wrong. It was a bit of a blow to my confidence. On the other hand as a woman my instincts are almost always right. If you think you need to transition and you are just terrified, I can honestly say I was accepted socially during my transition much more than I was during my "natural" adolescence.
     Transition, except for my SRS, is basically in my past. I spend about an hour a day on DIY electrolysis. It's a little too painful to continue much longer than that but I have removed enough facial hair that after a quick shave it isn't noticeable, and if you don't know this, a lot of women shave their faces. SRS is the biggest reason I am motivated to write this blog entry today. Basically it's a little discouraging. I placed $120 aside this month towards it, but I'm going to have to spend a lot of that towards rent. We have a big fundraiser in Richmond that benefits the clinic where I have gotten all my hormone prescriptions and transgender therapy. I felt a little obligated to go and spent quite a bit of my SRS money, that and I started my savings plan mid-month so I really hadn't been budgeting for it the entire month. I'm debating whether I should try to replace the money I am going to spend on rent during the first week or two of April or if I should just stick to the budget I set up. Still my budget puts SRS in Thailand a little over 3 years away. I really would prefer to have my operation in the United States but that would be almost a decade from now and three years seems like such a long time as it is.
      The thing about SRS is that I really need it. If you don't need it or have never needed it perhaps you can't understand. It is about so much more than just giving me the ability to be a complete sexual person. It is also feeling normal in my body. It's about knowing what my body should be and how it should react and having that. The thing is I have never in my lifetime had a vagina but weirdly I think I am already more familiar with my vagina than I am with my penis.
     I'm going to stop this line of thought. Not because it isn't sincere, but because it is hard for cis-gendered people to understand. Suffice it to say, I am really thinking a lot about SRS right now and it feels so far away. I know it is going to happen. It is becoming difficult not to think about it all the time. With that type of focus of course it is going to happen.
     So if you stumble on this blog. My last entry was my essay on gender identity that I am so proud of. It's much better organized than this one is. Also please check out my website at http://www.gofundme.com/nataliegatessrs.