dissapointment about my post college career, and what everyone wants to read about: 2 and a half years on hormones!!!

Well, I'm writing from the library today so I don't have much time to write.

I got yet another form letter of "thank your for your interest in working for....but we have decided to hire someone else." I quit. A decade after graduating college and sending out hundreds of resumes without any interviews I think I have to admit that my degree is essentially useless. I'm sick of it. I wish I could go back to my 15 year old self and tell "him" not to take that first job in a restaurant. I wish I had never seen the inside of a kitchen and didn't even know how to blanch green beans, but oh well. I hate my profession, and I think most people who work in my prefession grow to hate it, but I'm give up. It's the only thing anyone is willing to pay me for.

Which, sucks.

I think I'm really, really smart, and know a lot of things about a lot of different things. I think I write well and am good with people. But I guess it doesn't really matter what you can do, or even what you do well, just what you've already been paid to do. Or, what you studied in college.

The thing is, and "art" is suppossed to be free. So if that's what you want to study, better be prepared to work in some other career, probably with a bunch of people who stopped their education at high school

I've worked with some of the most intelligent people I have ever met in restaurants, and some of the most educated also. What I don't understand is that with all the low paying jobs I could have found why do I end up in something loud and fast paced. Something that gives an adrenaline high that people ride to late nights of drinking and (other drugs). As a kid I like board games and reading books maybe taking walks or playing with my dog.

Oh well.

I guess I need to write about things people want to read about: how I've changed after two and a half years on hormones!!!!

Well, I have C-cup breasts. They're pretty wonderful. I like them a lot. My body fat has shifted so that my ass is plump and my waist is relatively narrow. I had a 39" waist 6 months before starting hormone and worked that down to 36" and now without having done much of any exercises for my waist since starting hormones I have a 34" waist. It's also a little higher than it used to be. Of course I also have a bit more of a belly than I would like. I'm losing weight but  it seems that more of it stays right out front giving me a "pooch." IDK. I don't think I like that even if it isn't all that rotund. I guess as one of my friends once told me "all girls complain about being to fat and eventually either they put up or shut up."

I have no intention of doing hundreds of crunches every day so well...that's how it is.

My body hair has diminished a lot, which is also wonderful, and another thing that I think is great but I wasn't really expecting it is that my hairline is filling in and become more feminine. I was never really losing my hair but my hairline did get to be very masculine. Anyway now it is growing back in and becoming closer to what it was like when I was a child. My facial hair is softer and I think lighter. I've been working at getting rid of it for quite a while now and slowly I have less and less of it, but I don't really have a shadow when I shave. Of course I have light hair. Actually, people now tell me I'm blonde, which I also like. I guess estrogen did that.

I'm less muscular than I was. I'm built like a woman. I can really feel that in my shoulders. There isn't so much muscle mass between my bones and skin anymore, also my arms look less defined and more slender. My hips are wider but I think my bone structure hasn't really changed.

As far as how I feel. I am more in touch with my emotions. I wouldn't say I'm more emotional just more awared of them. Like, I used to supress my emotions until I exploded and now not so much...less explosions and compulsive emotionally based decisions. I do think somewhat differently but I can't remember exactly how I used to think. I think I'm slightly less linear in my thinking than I used to be but I also think it is much more complicated than that.

My sex drive has increased a lot. I actually think about sex fairly frequently now, I didn't used to. Of course at the same time my need to masturbate isn't really their much any more. It's complicated. I honestly kind of see it not so much as a change to my libido but my body coming to match my sexuality much more closely.

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